Making Sense of Jealousy in Relationships

            Let’s get straight to the point! Jealousy is one of those traits that we tend to bury and not talk about. It may be uncomfortable to approach because there may be a lot of shame that comes with it. Jealousy may lead to a lot of other internal issues, such as anger, sadness, and anxiety, and even extend into domestic violence. Jealousy doesn’t always have to be in romantic relationships but may also appear in friendships, the workplace, among peers at school, and among siblings. Have you ever wondered why your feelings about someone may be jealousy and where it comes from?  In my doctoral program, I found that one study suggested that this trait was evolutionary, a primal trait that works to form a bond for the survival of the bloodline. It is interesting to start there with the awareness that it is just a trait. Traits can sometimes be seen as negative because we see them as something we are stuck with and can’t change.  In fact, we can change. Mindfulness is key in this area.  The awareness that you may be perceiving a situation that is out of your control or something you desire is not crazy.  What is wrong with wanting good things to also happen to you? What if you could redefine your environment to match your mindset? That is how jealousy works—knowing that you also deserve good things for yourself. However,  there is a little bit of conflict inside that you need to sort through to have a clearer vision of how to get there. For me, I think there is desire at the core of jealousy’s conflicts. I allow each of my clients to verbalize this to their full potential.  Remember, jealousy is not something to get rid of but something to become aware of to help you move forward.