How to be Kind to Your Inner Critic

Develop an Awareness of Your Thoughts: So often we are quick to judge our thoughts as "wrong" or "bad". However, this only leads to more shame, self-doubt, anxiety...the list goes on. Imagine what it would look like to simply be AWARE of the thought you are having. Let the goal not be to stop the thought or even to get lost in the thought, but merely to observe it as if it were a leaf floating down a stream.

Stop Ruminating: This one sounds hard doesn't it? We tend to replay over and over the events of the day - especially the negative ones. Oftentimes the phrase "Don't think about that" only makes matters worse. This is the time to be active! Distract yourself in a healthy way with an activity that is good for you, whether it be taking a walk, calling a friend, or organizing your closet. Let this be an activity that feels good and puts your mind on something different.

Ask Yourself What Advice You'd Give to a Friend: We can be much more kind to others than we are to ourself. Putting yourself in another's shoes allows us to practice empathy and offer ourselves compassion by looking through a different lens. Our friend probably wouldn't want to hear the critical statements that you are saying to yourself, so why should you?

Examine the Evidence: Think to yourself, "What is the evidence that this is REALLY the case?". Allow logic to enter into the equation. If we allow ourselves to examine evidence both for and against whatever thought we are having, we usually come away with a more rational conclusion rather than an emotional one.

Replace Overly Critical Self-Talk With More Accurate Statements: Notice that I did not say an overtly positive statement! Pessimism is not automatically canceled out with optimism that we do not necessarily feel in the moment of distress. However, typically we can find a more accurate or realistic statement to keep the negative thoughts from taking over. For example, if you have the thought of "I'm a failure", remind yourself of times where you succeeded or even exceed at something. Remind yourself of a time where you did fail but then came back stronger due to learning from a mistake. This helps from negative statements DEFINING you.